A Quest for Pizza

Normally I don't go out of the house for too many reasons, but today was one of those reasons that reaffirms why I shouldn't.

I was craving pizza for lunch today, so I decided to try out one of the local places in town. I call up on my cellphone, no answer. So thinking they're not answering since my cell is an out of state number I call on the house phone, still no answer. I So I head on down there, I had to go to the post office today anyway. So I arrive at the pizza place to put the order there in person. Door's locked... who the hell is closed on a Monday? I can understand being closed on a Sunday but Monday? I looked the place up on the internet and since it's one of those family owned places, they're hours aren't posted.

So I leave and go to the post office, there's four people standing around and talking. Why? It's the post office not a box social. There's no employees so I have to ring the bell, I ask if the box can be dropped into the box, the lady just takes it and puts it with the other mail without saying a word and she speaks English, I know I've had many a package sent from that place. I think that lady just hates me.

So I decide to try the other pizza place, it's a little out of the way but why not? I head down tot the intersection and there's a small ambulance that turns before me and they speed limit is 45 and they're going 25. They're just crawling the whole fucking time. Then they stop, what the fuck? There's construction going on on the other side of the road. And they construction crew isn't going anything, they just parked their vehicles in the middle of the road.

Then I pull into the plaza. They plaza is divided into two sections, the main driveway leads to a cooperate building, and then there's a section where you turn into a plaza where there's a couple of stores and that parking lot is separated from the cooperate building's so it's not shared. I pull into the plaza with the stores, they're parking lot is divided into 3 sections, left, straight and right. U pull up tot he pizza place and it too is closed, but not only are they closed on Monday, they're closed on Tuesday too and they open at 3:30. There's several businesses in that plaza why would they have such fucked up hours?

So I leave, I'm on the far left of the plaza, and there's only one way out and that's the same way you entered. I'm coming from the left side of the parking lot, and there's this old lady who's parked perpendicular to a bunch of parking spots and she's half on the parking spots and half in the road so I have to get on the opposite side of the road to get around her. Then this other lady, pulls into the parking lot and decide that she wants to turn left. Why? I don't know everything on the left side of the plaza is closed. So she sees me and stops, I'm stuck between a car and an island, so I can't move for her, and she expected me to. While there is only one entrance where this new lady is, which is also blocking me form leaving. She just pulled in, she's still facing the way to go straight all she had to do was turn her tires back and she could go straight and would be in the center of a plaza of 5 stores, with the ones on the left being closed, where I just came from.

The idiot is still trying to come my way so I squeeze my way between the two cars and leave the area. But I was not going to be beaten so easily. I've gone through 8 counts of irritating bullshit.

1) The first pizza place not picking up
2) The first pizza place being closed when I got there
3) The lady at the post office
4) The ambulance
5) The construction crew not going anything but taking up space
6) The second pizza place being closed
7) The Lady who parked like a moron
8) The other lady who was intent on going left when going straight would be take her to the same place in a shorter distance

At that point I said fuck it, time to pick up some Red Baron pizza. Then number 9 happens, a guy at the exit of the plaza who isn't paying attention and missed several opportunities to leave and he's driving so fucking slow, he's going about 45 so that's better than the ambulance.

I get to the grocery store, as I'm walking in here comes number 10. A woman with her daughter who are leaving. The woman stops as I walk in, she looks at me and then as this smug look on her face, it's that smug smile of "I'm better than you and I know it." Look, you've all seen it before you know what it looks like.

At thins point in time my sanity was hanging by a thread and because of this woman, my sanity has snapped, it's gone. So this woman thinks she's better than me? Well god damn it, time to fucking prove it, so I turn to her and say "What the fuck are you looking at you stupid cunt?" And I say that in front of her daughter too, so maybe her kid will learn to not be a stuck up bitch. I didn't stick around to see the aftermath, I was on a quest.

I go to the freezer section, I open the door and look for the one I want. I look down, there's a tag 2 for $7... my quest has paid off, more than I thought it would. Normally Red Baron pizza is close to $7 for just one. Now knowing that this pizza has a zesty sauce I go to pick up a bottle of soda. 2 for $3... I've hit the jackpot.

I pay for my stuff and leave, and it's a straight shot home, no traffic, no construction, green lights all the way. And all this happened in 30 minutes... or less.